All I did this summer was go to rehab

by Apes of the State

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R The first time I heard this I had no idea what to expect... I walked into a dark room, fumbled around, and found this knob. When I turned it, I was hit in the face by a shocking raw deluge, and all I could think of was, "OMFG, she has independently invented running water... Hit me again." But seriously, this is amazingly intense, raw, and real.
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jonny2bags Love the rehab album..Sure you can tell it's there first album.thats not to take any value from it tho... love the raw emotion ,honesty, melodies and progressions ...favorite. songs? IDK, run away,both versions.the title track I call it (batman stamps). but,earth people,yea.probably my fav...
..I love how the following releases show there Progress.always getting better.. but I guess that's all that really matters right? *progress not perfection.
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On June 2, 2014 I entered a rehab facility in Lancaster Pennsylvania. It was the first day in over a decade that my body was entirely substance free. Among the many things I learned in rehab, and maybe most importantly, I learned that I do not have to do things because I am going to be the best at them or because they will make me money. I realized for the first time that I can simply do things just because I love doing them. I woke up. So I picked up a guitar and started writing songs.

Thank you for supporting my journey.

Update March 2017: As this album comes up on it's two year anniversary, I wanted to revisit it and make some comments. I have thought a lot about removing this album from the internet in the past 2 years. I am a completely different person than I was when I wrote these songs and first started experimenting with music in general. A lot of it is cringey to listen to. Especially the problematic language on "Today I Didn't Rob My Friends" that I feel I should specifically apologize for. I feel that I have gotten a lot better at writing songs and have grown so much as a person. I do not feel that this album represents good work of mine at all. But in the end, I decided to keep it up here because I have no right to decide for my fans what is good music and what is not. There may be some people who are currently going through the same feelings I describe in these songs and I have no right to deny them the comfort it might offer them to hear these. So, in the end it stays here as a testament to my growth as a musician and as a person.

Update Jan 2019: I randomly listened to this album again recently and I feel like I'm done seeing it as cringey. Well, its definitely still cringey and juvenile but might be so cringey that it's actually really good. I shouldn't be so harsh on my previous self. I'm heavily considering working some of these songs into full band sets, especially Connect the Dots which I think has some really great lyrics. I am also planning on *trying* to re record all of these songs as a full electric band for its 5th year anniversary in 2020. Someone hold me to this !!


released April 1, 2015

album art:
dave mannion

Runaway (alt version) recorded and mixed by Tony D.

special thanks to all of my friends who sang with me: Ashley, Erica, Rachel, Emily

Everything else DIY by me, in my bedroom.


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Apes of the State Lancaster, Pennsylvania


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Dan (he/him)
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Max (they/them)


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Track Name: white and privileged
I've never been to jail
So I guess that's not punk of me
And I never hung out with crackheads
Til I got in recovery
And I have never lived on the streets
Just in a car that my dad bought me but that
Doesn't stop me from feeling empty

Cause my whole family's rich
And they enable me to fuck up my life
And that might sound like the opposite of a problem so I guess I'm alright
And all my friends at the recovery house are complaining that they cant get out cause

They're never gonna get off back rent
No they're never ever ever gonna get off back rent
They're never gonna get off back rent
And I'm never ever ever gonna finish my first step

Whoa, oh
Theres nothing like an NA meeting in the hood to remind you that your problems ain't shit

I, I have a career
And people think it's cool
That I went away to college
Cause I never cut school
I sit in an office chair all day
And complain about life
But really I have no right

And all my friends thing that it's real nice that I grew up with such a privilege
But it's hard to admit that I'm powerless cause if money is power I got plenty of it
But that dont stop me from doing something with my life instead of acting like a spoiled bitch

Cause my daddy is rich and white but his money ain't mine no his money ain't mine
My daddy is rich and white but his money ain't mine so I'm not fucking living like it is

Whoa, oh

Theres nothing like an NA meeting in the hood to remind you that you're white and privileged.
Track Name: a song about kool aid
So im sitting in this meeting
And im thinking about my feelings
And how i feel like kinda wanna
Kill that person speaking
Cause i dont like the way theyre talking
And i dont like the way theyre smiling
And they say that they are happy
But i feel like they are lying
Cause inside i feel like dying
Yea i really wanna die
And id rather go and kill you before i have to kill myself
And i have no one to blame for that cause im just fuking immature
And my problems are self made like amish furniture

Please tell me theres something more to this
Than drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes
Reading all the same old shit
Sitting around and talking about it
Cause if thats the case then im at the brink
Of losing all my patience
With all of these middle class kids with homeless aspirations

Go out and make something of yourself
Instead of going in and out of the recovery house
And if stepwork was a race
Id be living it up here in last place
So dont get up in my face when i see you at pearl street with your boo love*
And dont you dare say that youre clean & sober one more time cause alcohols a drug**

So you tell me that i gotta drink the kool aid*** to live
But i dont fucking believe you i dont fucking believe you
And ill tell you if i had any fight left to give
I would up and leave you i would up and leave you
So you tell me that i gotta drink the kool aid*** to live
But i dont fucking believe you i dont fucking believe you
And im complaining cause you know that i dont like to admit
That i fucking need you yea i fucking need you !

*this line is a reference to an AA meeting in my area that is notorious for young kids looking to hook up w/ each other
** NA literature says they dont use the word sober because alcohol qualifies as a drug, so saying you are “clean” is sufficient. I used to be a really hardcore NA purist and would get all upset if people used the term “clean and sober” b/c I thought it demonstrated their lack of knowledge in the program and quite frankly I was an elitist asshole when I first got into recovery.
*** this is a joke about 12 step programs being cult-like

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