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All I did this summer was go to rehab

by Apes of the State

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Rodent thumbnail
Rodent The first time I heard this I had no idea what to expect... I walked into a dark room, fumbled around, and found this knob. When I turned it, I was hit in the face by a shocking raw deluge, and all I could think of was, "OMFG, she has independently invented running water... Hit me again." But seriously, this is amazingly intense, raw, and real.
jonny2bags thumbnail
jonny2bags Love the rehab album..Sure you can tell it's there first album.thats not to take any value from it tho... love the raw emotion ,honesty, melodies and progressions ...favorite. songs? IDK, run away,both versions.the title track I call it (batman stamps). but,earth people,yea.probably my fav...
..I love how the following releases show there Progress.always getting better.. but I guess that's all that really matters right? *progress not perfection.
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I've never been to jail So I guess that's not punk of me And I never hung out with crackheads Til I got in recovery And I have never lived on the streets Just in a car that my dad bought me but that Doesn't stop me from feeling empty Cause my whole family's rich And they enable me to fuck up my life And that might sound like the opposite of a problem so I guess I'm alright And all my friends at the recovery house are complaining that they cant get out cause They're never gonna get off back rent No they're never ever ever gonna get off back rent They're never gonna get off back rent And I'm never ever ever gonna finish my first step Whoa, oh Theres nothing like an NA meeting in the hood to remind you that your problems ain't shit I, I have a career And people think it's cool That I went away to college Cause I never cut school I sit in an office chair all day And complain about life But really I have no right And all my friends thing that it's real nice that I grew up with such a privilege But it's hard to admit that I'm powerless cause if money is power I got plenty of it But that dont stop me from doing something with my life instead of acting like a spoiled bitch Cause my daddy is rich and white but his money ain't mine no his money ain't mine My daddy is rich and white but his money ain't mine so I'm not fucking living like it is Whoa, oh Theres nothing like an NA meeting in the hood to remind you that you're white and privileged.
serenity 02:26
So im sitting in this meeting And im thinking about my feelings And how i feel like kinda wanna Kill that person speaking Cause i dont like the way theyre talking And i dont like the way theyre smiling And they say that they are happy But i feel like they are lying Cause inside i feel like dying Yea i really wanna die And id rather go and kill you before i have to kill myself And i have no one to blame for that cause im just fuking immature And my problems are self made like amish furniture Please tell me theres something more to this Than drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes Reading all the same old shit Sitting around and talking about it Cause if thats the case then im at the brink Of losing all my patience With all of these middle class kids with homeless aspirations Go out and make something of yourself Instead of going in and out of the recovery house And if stepwork was a race Id be living it up here in last place So dont get up in my face when i see you at pearl street with your boo love* And dont you dare say that youre clean & sober one more time cause alcohols a drug** SAY WHAT! So you tell me that i gotta drink the kool aid*** to live But i dont fucking believe you i dont fucking believe you And ill tell you if i had any fight left to give I would up and leave you i would up and leave you So you tell me that i gotta drink the kool aid*** to live But i dont fucking believe you i dont fucking believe you And im complaining cause you know that i dont like to admit That i fucking need you yea i fucking need you ! *this line is a reference to an AA meeting in my area that is notorious for young kids looking to hook up w/ each other ** NA literature says they dont use the word sober because alcohol qualifies as a drug, so saying you are “clean” is sufficient. I used to be a really hardcore NA purist and would get all upset if people used the term “clean and sober” b/c I thought it demonstrated their lack of knowledge in the program and quite frankly I was an elitist asshole when I first got into recovery. *** this is a joke about 12 step programs being cult-like
earth people 02:52
runaway 01:09


On June 2, 2014 I entered a rehab facility in Lancaster Pennsylvania. It was the first day in over a decade that my body was entirely substance free. Among the many things I learned in rehab, and maybe most importantly, I learned that I do not have to do things because I am going to be the best at them or because they will make me money. I realized for the first time that I can simply do things just because I love doing them. I woke up. So I picked up a guitar and started writing songs.

Thank you for supporting my journey.

Update March 2017: As this album comes up on it's two year anniversary, I wanted to revisit it and make some comments. I have thought a lot about removing this album from the internet in the past 2 years. I am a completely different person than I was when I wrote these songs and first started experimenting with music in general. A lot of it is cringey to listen to. Especially the problematic language on "Today I Didn't Rob My Friends" that I feel I should specifically apologize for. I feel that I have gotten a lot better at writing songs and have grown so much as a person. I do not feel that this album represents good work of mine at all. But in the end, I decided to keep it up here because I have no right to decide for my fans what is good music and what is not. There may be some people who are currently going through the same feelings I describe in these songs and I have no right to deny them the comfort it might offer them to hear these. So, in the end it stays here as a testament to my growth as a musician and as a person.

Update Jan 2019: I randomly listened to this album again recently and I feel like I'm done seeing it as cringey. Well, its definitely still cringey and juvenile but might be so cringey that it's actually really good. I shouldn't be so harsh on my previous self. I'm heavily considering working some of these songs into full band sets, especially Connect the Dots which I think has some really great lyrics. I am also planning on *trying* to re record all of these songs as a full electric band for its 5th year anniversary in 2020. Someone hold me to this !!


released April 1, 2015

album art:
dave mannion

Runaway (alt version) recorded and mixed by Tony D.

special thanks to all of my friends who sang with me: Ashley, Erica, Rachel, Emily

Everything else DIY by me, in my bedroom.


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Apes of the State Lancaster, Pennsylvania

folk punk from Lancaster, PA

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