Things I never meant to tell you

by Apes of the State

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1.
Please excuse my manners for I suffer from a problem of believing that my thoughts won't go away unless I say them So it might sound like I'm talking to myself when I'm deep in conversation It's a problem that I'm working on, I thank you for your patience But imagine for a second if I could listen to every word that you just said Instead of getting caught up in my head trying to finish all your sentences and occasionally letting the words slip form my lips that I want to say next But if I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear I would talk to myself all day instead of you Lalala I can't hear you Lalalala I'm not listening Now I'm hating on myself but I'm not getting better so I'm hating on you so it's not self-centered now I'm hating on you but I'm not feeling better so I'm hating on myself and I just need to breathe God grant me serenity and I swear that if I make it through this moment then I will believe God grant me serenity and I swear that if I make it through this moment then I will believe in you Lalalala I can't hear you Lalalallalalala And sometimes when I play my songs I wonder if there's anyone listening at all but I swear to god I hope I die before I ever get bored of singing to myself
2.
Excuse me while I go jump through a plate glass window or stop driving in the middle of the road My car insurance is expired, enough to set my ass on fire I'll just go to bed and deal with it tomorrow You broke my heart I hope you die, emptier than how I feel inside and when you lay your head to rest at night I hope that you never fall asleep when you think of all the things you do I wish I could just hate you oh I wish all of these words I said were true Now I'm up at 5am again, writing letters from the demons in my head to leave outside your house I'm not sure why it is I'm fighting, the pens ran out but I kept writing and I hope that if you found that letter, you just threw it out because Baby I don't mean the things I say or do when I'm mad at you I'm just trying to figure out how life goes on without you and I hope I die you broke my heart, stick a needle in my arm I know just what I'm running from I know that I will tear myself apart I wonder if you still have the flowers that i brought you at work the day you dumped me hope it wasn't a waste of money I hope that you are happy hope you find everything you ever wanted in your life, I hope you're sleeping well at night While I'm trying to figure out if life goes on without you, by writing a song about you Yea I swore I'd never write another song about you, I'm singing a song about you You broke my heart I hope you die, emptier than how I feel inside and when you lay your head to rest at night I hope that you never fall asleep when you think of all the things you do I wish I could just hate you oh I meant every word I said and I hope I die you broke my heart, stick a needle in my arm I know just what I'm running from I know that I will tear myself apart
3.
I got sober intentions cause I'm always fucking sober and I have every intention of being your next crazy ex girlfriend no shame in saying it out loud and I didn't even like you that much, but I can't stop writing songs about you Hope you like em, hope you like em, hope you do Hope your new boyfriends like them Hope he sings along with you And I got sober intentions but I'm stumbling drunk off anger I can't stop singing, I'm spitting words like fire straight at you I'm sorry if I burned your cute new hairdo And I don't even hate you that much but I can't stop being sad about this I have had it I have had it, I'm a mess I'm going crazy over a goddamn facebook status And I got sober intentions but I'm strung out on emotions I'm angry, inspired, I'm on fire and I'm sitting on my bed Throwing a tantrum while playing my guitar again And I don't even hate him that much but when you break his heart I hope he can't stop writing angry poems about it Hope he loves you more than I did
4.
when I was just a little kid they told me to dream big you can do anything when I got older they told me to stop dreaming start being more realistic, make the coffee do the dishes but I can't seem to keep my head out of the clouds cause whats the point of living life to work until I die That can't be it and if it is then I want out and honestly I never had a dream of getting older but here I am what can I do about it, tell me what to do about it now Cause I never wanted to be every single stereotype of a white middle class 20-something pissed at the economy I never meant to be the epitome of a quarter life crisis and being a junkie didn't live up to the hype When I was just a little kid they told me I was special Then I grew up and found out they told that to every single one of us get addicted to our drugs then go away to universities where we'll sell you dreams then make you work for free They handed us an economy thats destined us for poverty then have the nerve to call us soft and lazy for complaining cause they're from a generation where you could be what you wanted to be but baby I'm a 90's kid, only 90's kids will understand this got bill collectors calling us to pay back student loans but they can't ever find us if we throw away our phones then we can sit in diners, drinking coffee smoking cigarettes outside look in each others' eyes without cell phone lights to hide behind and we can just kick off our shoes and make these sidewalks home we'll write songs and sing for food and we'll never be alone never be alone, never be alone, never be alone when we're with friends and we'll never owe shit to anyone else no we'll never owe shit to anyone else no we'll never owe shit to anyone else no we'll never owe shit to anyone
5.
So I tried to erase you number, but then I thought and I uncovered more things that I had to say to you more ways to tell you, how much I love you and that I miss you So I tried to erase your number, but then I thought and I remembered more things that I need to say I'm sorry for so I told you that once more So I tried to erase your number, but I can't help feeling like this isn't over and the more time and space I have, the more that I think that you'll probably never answer So I finally erased your number and it didn't help me feel any better so while I sit and wait for you to call I wrote you a song
6.
when I was just a little kid they told me to dream big you can do anything when I got older they told me to stop dreaming start being more realistic, make the coffee do the dishes but I can't seem to keep my head out of the clouds cause whats the point of living life to work until I die That can't be it and if it is then I want out and honestly I never had a dream of getting older but here I am what can I do about it, tell me what to do about it now Cause I never wanted to be every single stereotype of a white middle class 20-something pissed at the economy I never meant to be the epitome of a quarter life crisis and being a junkie didn't live up to the hype When I was just a little kid they told me I was special Then I grew up and found out they told that to every single one of us get addicted to our drugs then go away to universities where we'll sell you dreams then make you work for free They handed us an economy thats destined us for poverty then have the nerve to call us soft and lazy for complaining cause they're from a generation where you could be what you wanted to be but baby I'm a 90's kid, only 90's kids will understand this got bill collectors calling us to pay back student loans but they can't ever find us if we throw away our phones then we can sit in diners, drinking coffee smoking cigarettes outside look in each others' eyes without cell phone lights to hide behind and we can just kick off our shoes and make these sidewalks home we'll write songs and sing for food and we'll never be alone never be alone, never be alone, never be alone when we're with friends and we'll never owe shit to anyone else no we'll never owe shit to anyone else no we'll never owe shit to anyone else no we'll never owe shit to anyone
7.
8.
I listened 04:16

about

This EP was recorded in various closets and bedrooms of friends around Lancaster City, PA. It is a preview to a full band project in the works, Apes of the State. Big thanks to all of the things I resent, like social inequality, gender norms, the failure of the American education system, and all the girls that dumped me this year for making this record possible.

credits

released September 28, 2015

Written, produced, and recorded by Apes.

Thanks to all my friends who made sounds with me:

Silvas & Jewels- vocals
Tony Dicarluccio- keys, harmonica
Charlie- bass
Dan Ebersole- mandolin
Justin Jones- xylophone
Dan Freeman-sax

Album art by Michelle Antisocial (everyone except me)

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all rights reserved

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